Your Nephew

Hi Katie! Here's the picture I promised you. This is your nephew, Kayden. Isn't he CUTE!!! He looks so much like Zoey did at his age. He's about 5 1/2 months old here. He's almost 7 months old now, but I haven't seen him. I'm going to be up there on the 28th, so I'll take more pictures then. I just downloaded 288 pics, so I have lots to show you. A whole bunch of our sweet Zoey. She misses you so much. Whenever she talks about you she says, "My Aunt Katie." It would just break your heart. She loves you so much. When I go up to visit her, I'm going to show her how to write to you here. She can draw you pictures and put them on the computer for you. I think it will help her to have a place to come to to talk to you.

It's Sunday night already, so it's back to work tomorrow. I've never understood why the week lasts so long and the weekend is SO short! Oh well. Right now, I'm just really glad to have a job. I work at a company called Mojo Interactive. It's where I worked that first time you came down to visit me. Remember? You went to lunch with Sean and me??? I went back to work there about 5 months ago. I like it. We went to a party at my boss's house last night. Celebration for reaching our sales goal. Consequently, I laid around most of the day today. So anyway...I just wanted to show you Kayden. He got his first haircut today! lol. Kelsey said he was a good boy. She's doing so good, Kate. She has her own place and is going to counseling. She's such a good mom. She gets up every morning with Kayden. Zoey is there every weekend and Wednesday night. She's trying really hard to get her back. She misses you so much too. I'll put some pictures up of her in the next few days so you can see her. She's so beautiful, just like you. I miss you, baby. I love you. Sweet dreams. Momma

Out for a walk

Hi Katie. It's Saturday...YAY!!!!! It's beautiful here this morning. I'm going out for a walk/run. The day that your Dad called me to tell me about your accident I was out for a run. I was up to about 3 miles a day. I was feeling good. I always use that time to wake up and think about stuff. I had resolved to really take control of my work and be "all I could be...blah blah blah". When I got home, there was a voicemail from your Dad. It was 7:30. I was like...uh oh...this can't be good. He never calls me. I called him back and he told me. It felt like an electric shock went through my whole body. I curled up on the floor and called to Kam. He was still in bed. The only thing I could think of is that I had to get home and I couldn't stand the thought of being cooped up in an airplane for three hours. It was intolerable. Since then, I've been having a really hard time getting back to running. When I go, I'm afraid that when I come back there will be a message on my phone. I know it's irrational. Lightning doesn't strike twice, but still...it makes me not want to go. Once I tried taking my phone with me, but that was creepy too. I think in some wierd way, I associate running with that day. Now that I realize it, I'm determined to overcome it. So I've been going everyday. UGH. I'm SO sore. Sometimes, when I'm out there, a butterfly or dragon fly will follow me...or really more like lead me. It will flutter along in front of me. I always think of you. I like to think that that's you encouraging me to push a little harder. I wish you were here. I wish this had never happened. I don't want this blog to be a whiney sort of thing, so I'm not always going to talk to you about how sad I am. But I want you to know that I miss you and I will NOT forget you or go a day without thinking about you. When grandma betty died, I was a little sad, but not for long and I never think about her anymore. I don't miss her. I gotta tell you, it scares me that that could happen with you. I talk to Judy about it. She says no way. That will never happen and I don't need to be afraid of it. I worry that I'm just sort of a cold heartless bitch and only concerned with myself. In the weeks following your death, I promised myself that I would be the mom to you that you would be proud of. I would handle this with grace and dignity and always be there for you. So anyway...that's it. I'm going for my run...UGH..haha... Maybe a butterfly will come see me this morning (hint, hint) :-) I'm going to mention your name everytime I post. I want this to be optimized on the search engines so that when people search your name, they will find Katie's Place. Katherine Katie Fernihough. love, momma

The Tree

Hi Katie. I haven't been here in forever! I couldn't find it! But now I've written the url down and I can put more stuff on here. So much has happened over this year. You have a new nephew. Kayden. He's named after you! He looks just like Zoey!!! If I ever take the time to figure out how to download the pics from my camera, I'll load some of him on here. I wanted to tell you about the tree. The Tree. Your tree. Everyone has signed it. This winter I went to an art festival and bought this really pretty (and very cool) metal sculpture of butterflies. Kelsey, Kam and I took it out to the tree and Kam bolted it way up high so it would be there all winter. On your birthday we took a red feather boa and draped it around the tree. We let 23 balloons go into the sky for you. We stood in a circle and sang happy birthday to you. Later that night, Kelsey and I brought you a bottle of wine and poured it around the tree. Anyway (good lord...so much to catch up on!!!) the man that owns the property that the tree is on...he took all of your stuff. None of it is there. Your dad went to his house to find out what happened to it and he said that he threw it away!!!!!!!! I can't even believe anyone would do something like that. So we don't have your stuff anymore. I'm so sad. I want people to know that something happened there. I want them to think about it just a little when they drive by. The state of Wisconsin doesn't allow road side memorials. (of course...I checked as soon as I found out) The only thing they MIGHT allow is for us to adopt that part of the road and dedicate it to you. We would then be responsible for cleaning a two mile stretch of the road there 3 times a year. The sign would have your name on it, but we wouldn't be allowed to put flowers or anything there. So here's the deal. I'm going to go visit this man when I go up there for the anniversary of your accident. I'm going to ask him if he will let us put flowers there. He evidently was pissed about the beer bottles being left there. If he says no, I'm going to do it anyway, but he'll probably throw them away as soon as he sees them. But that was the motivation for me coming back here. I will have evidence of you in this world, sweetie. We will remember you. Everyday. Even if it's not on here...we're thinking of you and we miss you. I love you, katiedid. Dad even asked for the url for this page...but I didn't know it. ~shaking head~ you know how I am. I'll figure out my camera this weekend and come back and load some pictures. Bye bye for now. AWWWWWWW....squeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzze. xoxox, Mom

hello...hello??? is this thing on????

I have no idea how to write a blog. I don't know if anyone even reads these. I don't know how they would find it. But i'm going to start this. My daughter Katie was killed in a car accident on May 28th, 2008. She was the passenger in a car driven by a drunk driver. She was drunk too. She didn't have a seatbelt on and was thrown from the car and died instantly. She has an identical twin sister. Her name is Kelsey. We are both devistated...each in our own way. I don't have the words to really describe what it's been like...but lately...I have this feeling that I want her mark on this world visible and tangible. I was talking with a friend at work and she said that her sister also lost a child and that she started a blog. So here I am. It sounded like a good idea. It's kind of embarrassing though...writing where anyone can see. But I guess that's kind of the point. I want photos of her on here. She was a poet and an artist. She was beautiful and smart and funny. I want her sister to be able to post about her. And her dad and her friends. We all miss her so much. The man driving the car is going to come to trial in a couple of months. He is being charged with vehicular homicide and dui.