Monday..........ick

Hi Katiedid. this picture is from off of our patio. nice, huh? one night kelsey and were sitting out there and there was a baby possum sticking his head out of the leaves. even when they're babies, they're creepy looking. kelsey took this picture last summer during a storm. i was supposed to go have blood work this morning. well...i thought i was supposed to, but when i went to look up the location, it said you have to schedule an appointment. so now i'm going wednesday. its the kind where you have to fast before it, so i wasn't going to get my morning coffee. i hate that. anyway...now it's scheduled for wednesday morning so i'm having my coffee and going for a run. yesterday was the first day ever that i didn't hear from kelsey one time. :-( i hope everything is ok. i cleaned the house all day yesterday. YAY! i hate doing it, but i love the outcome. kam says i only clean when we're having company. um...i was like...when do you EVER clean??? MEN. ~smirk~ anyway...i'm off for my run. it's a beautiful morning. i really don't want to be creepy and write this TO you...but...i DO want to share life here with all of us earthlings with you. i want to share pictures, etc. linda sent me an article about this family that grieves by keeping treasure boxes for their son/brother that died. i like that. i don't get signs from you...which really pisses me off by the way. but i think of you everyday. i want to share the beautiful, fun, funny, awesome things that happen on any given day. like the view off of our patio. and the sunrise. and fireworks. and things that crack me up everyday. life is so funny. people are even funnier. it's so short the time here...isn't it? i always think i'll have tomorrow. and yet i never thought i'd live to be 50. go figure. i'll be 50 in about 3 weeks. kelsey is supposed to come. i was going to bring aaron down too, but that was contingent on him "behaving" himself. (geeesh...i'm such a mom) as of right now...i'd say his status is iffy. so we'll see. aunt kelli is coming too. it makes me smile just writing it. pretty cool that they're all coming to be with me when i hit the big 5-0. and all this time...my whole life...i always focused on people that DIDN'T care about me. instead of all of the people that do. ~sighs~ i'm blessed and i wish you were here to be blessed too. so anyway...NOW i'm gonna go for a run. but i gotta smoke a cig first. (haha) love you sweetie. i miss you. you're missed missed missed! love momma.

Morning

Morning, Katie. Just back from my run/walk. i'm trying to overcome the anxiety i feel whenever i leave the house to exercise. i actually have a big mosquito bite on my muffin top! UGH! it has protruded enough now for small bugs to land on. yesterday i decided screw fat grams and carbs and acai and anti-oxidants and green tea and fat burning diets. i'm eating whatever (within reason) that equals 1300 calories a day and exercizing. my body is betraying me. everything that used to work isn't. a month from tomorrow i turn 50. i'm thinking that has something to do with this. and menopause. and not exercising for a year. and maybe my hep. yikes. that would suck if that starts to give me problems. there's a treatment for it, but supposedly its similar to cancer treatments and one of the main side effects is DEPRESSION! um....i dunno. i think i better just bit the bullet and go have my blood work done tomorrow. i never speculate to the positive. it's always the worst possible outcome. ~shaking head~ last night at judy's while i was waiting i was reading redbook. it had this little blurb about how to spread joy. even reading about it made me feel delish. so i think today, i might search for a few ways to spread some love. i have GOT to send linda her presents for her birthday. i'm only a month late. good lord. well...time for a shower (or to wash the stink off of me as Kam would say). i love you and miss you. oh...one other thing...two people in the past couple of weeks have said i should write a book. i would have NO idea where to start. and besides...who cares? lol. but ya know...it might be therapeutic. and i'm actually thinking about it. maybe just start to write my story and see where it goes. i miss you..stinkweed. love you. momma.