Look at you! oh my god...what a beautiful girl. i love you. i miss you. shit. aunt kristi comes today and frankly...i'm so glad. this really isn't getting much better. so anyway...we went and saw blue man group last night. it was amazing. it was so...i dunno sweet and innocent (and funny and pretty). i'm so excited to go to disney with kris next weekend. we're getting a hotel and staying out there so we can go two days. woo hoo! i'd love to go

to universal too. i can't help remembering when you kelsey, zoey and i went. omg...i was so ready to shoot you and kelsey. you both had gone out drinking and had been fighting. we postponed it a day so that you'd feel better. you two fought off and on all day. and sotero had shaved zoey's head. argh! people kept looking at her like they thought she had cancer. ~shaking head~ i'm looking at this pic of you. my sweet, innocent baby. ohhh katie....what will i ever do without you???? so beautiful it makes my heart hurt. well...better get back to work. love you sweetness. momma

Happy Father's Day

Katie! I don't have much time to post today because it's father's day and kam's girls are here. i'm making breakfast. my "famous" french toast, bacon, canadian bacon and scrambled eggs. i texted your dad this morning to wish him a happy father's day. everyone was pretty concerned about me on mother's day, but it really wasn't so terrible. we never really hung out together on mom's day anyway. i'm not sure what you guys usually did, but i'm thinking of him today. he's probably golfing. it is SO freaking hot here today. ugh. heat index 110. kam and the girls are going swimming, but i'm too fat to wear a swimming suit so i'm staying home. we're going to watch home movies and then tonight take the girls to see blue man group. making plans to come to wisconsin for richard bennett's hearing. i'm going to bring zoey back with me. she will stay with us for about 3 weeks. kelsey, aaron and kaydo-kayden will come the last week to celebrate my 50th birthday! kelli is coming for that too. i guess we will be having a little celebration. hmmmm...50 years old. that's half a century. i'm starting to look my age. it freaks me out. i've always been so all about how i look. guess i'll have to focus on just being a better person. these are the twilight years. ok...well...i'm going to fix breakfast. i love you. miss you. wish you were "here". love, momma.

Sunday Morning

Hi Katie. its been a few days, i guess. i think i don't come here as often when i'm feeling better. but i don't want it to be that way. i want to come here when i'm doing well too. well.....we have lots going on! i have to tell you about kelsey. OMG! guess what. she got a job. (i'll tell you the things that have happened in order) there's a place call the rock on the river. its a restaurant and the people that own it are the same people that own culver's. evidently they are "the new owners". so anyway...she went in and filled out an application earlier in the week and put their names at the top of it. (pretty smart!) they called her in for an interview the next day and hired her on the spot. she has to wear black pants and a hawaiian top! (~smirk~) the next day, she got on the computer to look up her eligibility status for her driver's license. and it said....you guessed it....ELIGIBLE. !!!! so she went to the DMV and took her written exam and now she has a learner's permit. she can take her test in a couple of weeks. THEN...oh wait....this is out of order. before she did that...she went and got INSURANCE for her car. she bought an old car from ken a few weeks ago for $500. not the most beautiful car in the world, but she says it runs great. so after she got the insurance she went to the DMV and took the test, passed and then got the permit. she went to work for her first day yesterday and she likes it. i'm SO proud of her. this has been a long old road to hoe. she has had so many disappointments, but hasn't given up. i don't know why it is, but when you live your life in a way that's not right, the results are immediate. when you do the right things, it seems to take forever to see any benefit. so anyway, i know you would be so proud too. i wanted to share it with you. and also with anyone that may read this blog. so many people, katie, have been loving us through this. some of them pray for us, some of them are quietly hoping for us, some have been right on the front lines. feeling our pain and hanging in there with us. and those people have no idea how much it has helped. i don't think we would have come this far without them. so our victories are their victories. i have felt so much better since i told you i was angry with you. never think that i don't love you with all of my heart and soul because i do. but it pisses me off that you can't be here. and that these things can't be happening for you too. life is so strange. i'm pretty sure that i'm new to this freaking human experience. i think i may have been an animal of some sort in a former life. maybe not even from this planet. i will be driving along and all of a sudden i think how weird it is. that we made these machines that make us go so much faster than we really should. and how we have grocery stores. rather than getting our food the way any other species does, we go to these big boxes and get more than we could ever need and come home with them. its just so odd to me. anyway...enough of my weird philosophy. lol. i can just see you looking at me with a puzzled look on your face. i love you my baby girl. i wish you were here. you know....you COULD come flutter by while i'm out for a run. it would be so nice to see you. love, momma