Katie Katie Katie................

Hi Katie. ugh...i miss you so much today! i'm at work, but decided to take a minute to talk with you. so this is my lunch. :-) i don't have a lot of pics on my puter here at work, so i just found one on the internet. i thought you might like it. i must have dreamt about you last night. i don't remember it, but i've had that feeling all day. like...i expect a call from you. i tried calling your cell phone numbers yesterday. some guy answered and i said i must have the wrong number. he goes, "are you sure??? who are you looking for?" i said i was trying to find katie. that was very weird. the number you had when you had the accident is not a "working number". i wonder if we will get those things back after the sentencing hearing. i would like to. your purse was in the car. i wonder what was in it. i would like something you had with you. i kept some particals of glass from the accident scene. i looked all over for something of yours. oh geeez...i always feel like i sound so mormid talking to you. i guess i use this to vent to you, katie. i want want want want WANT you to come back. i hate this feeling. it always feels like i should be able to call you. and then....i have the realization...that you are gone and you're never coming back. i don't believe in heaven. not like...someday i'll die and i'll get to see you again. and some day we'll all be together, the same "people" that we are now. i believe that you've gone on. that everyone does. that our souls are recycled. maybe even scattered. maybe a piece of your beautiful soul went to kayden. maybe another to mandy's baby that is on the way. maybe to people we don't know. maybe to another universe. of course, i don't know. but i know my earthly self will never hold your earthly self again. i always picture your hands. i love your hands. and i can still smell your hair and feel your skin. and it just kills me that you will never write another poem. experience anything else here again. at least not as katie fernihough. omg...news flash! kelsey is going to get...........................are you ready???? she's going to get her.........DRIVER'S LICENSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol. omg! since your accident, kelsey has been working towards getting her life together. you would not believe how far she has come. her life is so different. she's been going to counseling and staying clean. so she paid her fines with her income tax return and went to her final appointment with the people that decide whether you can have your license back or not. they signed the papers and she has like...just a little left to pay and after that, she can take her driver's test. she's so excited! lol. cool, huh? well anyway, sweetie, my lunch is over so i should get back to work. i love you. i miss you. and i think about you every single day. love you, baby. talk soon. momma

Sunday

Hi Katie. It's sunday. i go home tomorrow. i'm very sad already and trying really hard not to be. you know? i love being in florida. i just hate being so far away from kelsey and the kids. i'm feeling very sad about you today too. i feel like i haven't had much time to just sit. the time i get to spend here is so short. this is picture was taken today down at the lagoon. zoey actually took it. it's right up by that place where the bands play and people dance. barb and kiki dedicated it to you. its beautiful here today. we went out there and then to the store. a day in beloit without walmart is like a day without sunshine i guess. ugh!!!! i am NOT a fan of walmart. haha. its so weird, sometimes i think of calling you. like...let's call katie and have her come over. i guess that's the denial, eh? i want to show zoey how to do this so she can come and talk to you, but her attention span is sort of like a gnat's and i'm not sure she'll get it yet. ha...if you were here, i know you'd want me to show her so i will. she has to go back to satero's tonight. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... i'm going to tell him no, but ultimately its his say. ok...well...i guess i'll go for now. maybe zoey and i will come back later. wait...she's here. maybe i'll show her now. i love you, katie.

Your Nephew

Hi Katie! Here's the picture I promised you. This is your nephew, Kayden. Isn't he CUTE!!! He looks so much like Zoey did at his age. He's about 5 1/2 months old here. He's almost 7 months old now, but I haven't seen him. I'm going to be up there on the 28th, so I'll take more pictures then. I just downloaded 288 pics, so I have lots to show you. A whole bunch of our sweet Zoey. She misses you so much. Whenever she talks about you she says, "My Aunt Katie." It would just break your heart. She loves you so much. When I go up to visit her, I'm going to show her how to write to you here. She can draw you pictures and put them on the computer for you. I think it will help her to have a place to come to to talk to you.

It's Sunday night already, so it's back to work tomorrow. I've never understood why the week lasts so long and the weekend is SO short! Oh well. Right now, I'm just really glad to have a job. I work at a company called Mojo Interactive. It's where I worked that first time you came down to visit me. Remember? You went to lunch with Sean and me??? I went back to work there about 5 months ago. I like it. We went to a party at my boss's house last night. Celebration for reaching our sales goal. Consequently, I laid around most of the day today. So anyway...I just wanted to show you Kayden. He got his first haircut today! lol. Kelsey said he was a good boy. She's doing so good, Kate. She has her own place and is going to counseling. She's such a good mom. She gets up every morning with Kayden. Zoey is there every weekend and Wednesday night. She's trying really hard to get her back. She misses you so much too. I'll put some pictures up of her in the next few days so you can see her. She's so beautiful, just like you. I miss you, baby. I love you. Sweet dreams. Momma

The Tree

Hi Katie. I haven't been here in forever! I couldn't find it! But now I've written the url down and I can put more stuff on here. So much has happened over this year. You have a new nephew. Kayden. He's named after you! He looks just like Zoey!!! If I ever take the time to figure out how to download the pics from my camera, I'll load some of him on here. I wanted to tell you about the tree. The Tree. Your tree. Everyone has signed it. This winter I went to an art festival and bought this really pretty (and very cool) metal sculpture of butterflies. Kelsey, Kam and I took it out to the tree and Kam bolted it way up high so it would be there all winter. On your birthday we took a red feather boa and draped it around the tree. We let 23 balloons go into the sky for you. We stood in a circle and sang happy birthday to you. Later that night, Kelsey and I brought you a bottle of wine and poured it around the tree. Anyway (good lord...so much to catch up on!!!) the man that owns the property that the tree is on...he took all of your stuff. None of it is there. Your dad went to his house to find out what happened to it and he said that he threw it away!!!!!!!! I can't even believe anyone would do something like that. So we don't have your stuff anymore. I'm so sad. I want people to know that something happened there. I want them to think about it just a little when they drive by. The state of Wisconsin doesn't allow road side memorials. (of course...I checked as soon as I found out) The only thing they MIGHT allow is for us to adopt that part of the road and dedicate it to you. We would then be responsible for cleaning a two mile stretch of the road there 3 times a year. The sign would have your name on it, but we wouldn't be allowed to put flowers or anything there. So here's the deal. I'm going to go visit this man when I go up there for the anniversary of your accident. I'm going to ask him if he will let us put flowers there. He evidently was pissed about the beer bottles being left there. If he says no, I'm going to do it anyway, but he'll probably throw them away as soon as he sees them. But that was the motivation for me coming back here. I will have evidence of you in this world, sweetie. We will remember you. Everyday. Even if it's not on here...we're thinking of you and we miss you. I love you, katiedid. Dad even asked for the url for this page...but I didn't know it. ~shaking head~ you know how I am. I'll figure out my camera this weekend and come back and load some pictures. Bye bye for now. AWWWWWWW....squeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzze. xoxox, Mom